thoughts on being ready

Over the years, I’ve come to realize that I’m unfortunately capable of being full on, flat out, boy crazy.

I allowed it, sadly, to shape a lot of my own self-perceptions while growing up, and having a boyfriend became the be-all end-all of my existence. Those feelings would later inform me on how to act in my first (and only, to this day) relationship; I was manipulative and manipulated, emotionally abused, isolated. Real fun stuff. If it weren’t for a literal intervention, I’m not exactly sure when I would have gotten out of that relationship. I was angry for a long time after that (mostly at myself), but I think at the heart of it I was scared that it would happen again. I’d make the wrong decisions, burn what remained of my bridges, and become a person I hated.

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high tea: take two

high tea take two

Life’s been pretty weird lately, in the way that it usually is – a mix of highs and lows, good and bad, dry and rainy (no! bad rain!). Now that I am apparently a legitimate grown-up with a nine-to-five job, I’ve turned into a weekend warrior, where everything I do on the weekend is to the extreme. I either aggressively nap and laze around all day, or spend a full twelve hours going on cute adventures with my friends when we were originally only supposed to meet for some tea. The latter happened a couple of weeks ago. I met up with Cindy, Cat, and Avery for high tea at La Petite Cuillère, a tea house on main street. We were served by probably the nicest woman in the world, like, she was sweeter than all the sugar cubes we took with our tea. It was amazing.

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and we go ever on

Time is kind of funny, when it slips by you in such a way that you can only observe it passing and feel almost unaffected by it. I think that’s what happened to me these past few months, even during my last post; I try to look back and it’s like it’s only been a moment since Christmas, or even Thanksgiving. A lot of memorable and life-changing things happened recently: I got a job in my field, which I was extremely surprised and thrilled by. I graduated (crossed the stage and everything!). And my grandpa passed away.

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