Time is kind of funny, when it slips by you in such a way that you can only observe it passing and feel almost unaffected by it. I think that’s what happened to me these past few months, even during my last post; I try to look back and it’s like it’s only been a moment since Christmas, or even Thanksgiving. A lot of memorable and life-changing things happened recently: I got a job in my field, which I was extremely surprised and thrilled by. I graduated (crossed the stage and everything!). And my grandpa passed away.
That last one… is still a little too surreal to me. I think that’s perhaps the chief reason that time is being weird and I’m having the worst PMS I’ve had in years. I’m functioning and rational and fairly easy-going but I feel like I’m going out of my mind. I can’t describe all the feels that I’m feeling because they’re too big and too small to give names to, and it’s almost like it’s dangerous to try. Grief comes in waves, but sometimes it’s like a contained tsunami, or a distant roar just off the corner of the mind. It hovers. Sometimes it comes closer and it’s huge and overwhelming, but mostly it sits outside of awareness.
Anyways. TL;DR I’m sad but also not sad, sometimes I forget and sometimes it’s all I can think about.
Also it has occurred to me, once again, that adulthood is a lie. I still feel fourteen. Grownups can suck it.
p.s. I swear this was not supposed to be sad and cranky, I was going to do an outfit post! But, like… PMS, man. -____-